That's what friends are for
by Bavaria89
Summary: After 11x08. It deals with the problems caused by Sarah outing Amelia in public. "Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words." - Rainer M. Rilke
1. Chapter 1

The story takes place after 11x08. Amelia was outed by the patient's daughter and although she spoke to Chief Hunt and told him about her past the staff of GSMH is insecure and doesn't know how to handle the situation. It comes to an incident where a nurse doesn't follow Amelia's instructions due to the rumors that wander through the floors of the hospital. Chief Hunt has to intervene as the situation escalates. Amelia runs away after the patient is taken care of and Owen looks out for her. He finally finds Amelia on the roof deck of the hospital.

Oh, hi … here you are.

Eh … yeah … After what happened I didn't want to be down there where everyone is chatting, supposing, backbiting… you know? I don't have patients right now - I will do my job, don't worry! I have my pager right here.

Are you okay then?

Yeah … I'm okay … I just needed some alone time and some fresh air.

So you want me to go?

No, I didn't mean that. Your company is way better than the company of the hungry wolves down there who can't wait to see me failing...

Owen sighs.

Dr. Shepherd … Amelia … I know that you are having a rough time at the moment and as I've already said I stand behind you. I trust in Derek, what he told me about you, and I trust in you. I respect you as a colleague and I like you as a person. But sure not everyone does - as the latest incident shows. And this could be devastating for you. Doctors know other doctors. When there are rumors there is always someone who believes in them completely or starts researching and finds something about your past. Or even adds something to the story which isn't true. The words spread out and in the worst case this can cost you your career. And what about other patients finding out about your past through the chatting?

So - do I get this right and these are other words for: "I like you and I do believe that you are okay but I have to fire you anyway?" - Then I got it!

Amelia reaches the door back in.

No, wait! Amelia … stay here! This wasn't what I wanted to say. Why don't you understand - I want to help you! Do you get that? But therefore you have to trust me a little bit more.

She hesitates and turns around.

What do you mean?

I think the only way to fight the rumors and the chattiness is being honest. The people have questions and you have to answer them in some way. They are your co-workers and we all have to rely on each other and at the moment they don't feel that they can rely on you, that they can trust you!

No! They simply have to. I can't talk about this with everyone. It's my history that I don't want to share with all of them! No - this just doesn't work that easily! It's my history ... mine! You can't force me to tell everyone! Even my own brother doesn't know everything.

Hey … calm down … it's okay, I never wanted to force you to anything. And you don't have to tell everyone everything. I just thought it would be good if you had some more allies besides Derek, Meredith and me.

You can cut Derek off the list...

Whatever. But he was the one who convinced me that you are okay and you speaking to me some days ago confirmed it even more. I can imagine that you are struggling right now and you don't know what to do but you don't have to go through this alone, okay? There are people willing to help you but you have to accept their help. We will figure this out!

We?

Yes, we. You and me, Derek and Meredith and perhaps some other people. You need friends here! You need people that fight for you, otherwise this doesn't work. And I believe that you are worth fighting for, okay? You are a great doctor and I don't want to lose you. But one part of a friendship is being honest and open up a bit. I know that this isn't easy for you – it would be for no one. But trust me, okay? Trust me as a friend...

Amelia paused for a moment, overwhelmed by Owen's words.

So what is your suggestion? Whom do I need as an additional friend in your opinion?

I think it would be good if you talked to the board. Wait – don't say anything before I have finished. Of course you don't have to tell them everything. Just speak to them as you spoke to me some days ago. Answer their questions - if they have some - as far as you can and I'm sure they will listen to you and believe you. The board standing behind you will have an enormous effect on the other staff and should it come to a situation like the one today in the future they will stand up for you immediately. But they won't defend you when hey are insecure about you. To be told from Derek that you are okay is one thing – hearing it from yourself is the other thing. I really think that you should talk to them.

Amelia stood still and the thoughts ran through her brain. _I don't know if I can talk about it in front of so many people I do barely know. I've done this before, in NA-meetings, but as it says, this was anonymous. It didn't affect my job. At least this is what I thought until this Sarah taught me otherwise. But life is a freakin' bitch sometimes... I'm not that good in letting people know about me. What if they don't believe me? Then I have to quit my job. I can't work with them anymore when they know these things about me and don't trust me... _

Amelia – what do you think about it? Should I call a board meeting?

I … I don't know...

You don't have to be afraid... Derek and Meredith will be there and me as well and everyone of us has had things he or she went through – even in this hospital. I know this guys for years and somehow call them my friends. We've gone through a lot of things together and I'm sure they will support you once they know you better. It will be okay.

Amelia takes one deep breath.

Good, then call the meeting... _There's nothing left that I have to loose..._

**Thanks for reading my story. It was my first fanfiction ever and English isn't my mother language. So feel free to correct my spelling, grammar or word choice. **

**Please leave some reviews and let me know if I should continue the story. **

**3 Bavaria**


	2. Chapter 2

Amelia is standing in front of the meeting room, waiting for Owen and the other board members. _Oh gosh … I hope that I can convince them... I yet don't know what - or how far - I should tell them... Actually I don't want to tell them anything... _

Meredith: Amelia, hey … is this meeting about you? Is everything okay with you? You look very pale... What happened?

Amelia: Yes, somehow it is about me … there was an incident with a nurse in the morning, she didn't follow my instructions because she didn't trust me. You know the thing with the rumors and the nurses? Maybe she thought I was high or something like that. I couldn't explain anything because the situation escalated somehow – that stupid thing won't listen to me and there were patients all around and so Dr. Hunt had to rush in...

Meredith: Oh no … I'm so sorry … but what are we here for now?

Owen and the other board members, except Derek, who is in D.C. right now, arrive.

Owen: Board members please go into the room with me – Dr. Shepherd, please wait outside until I call you in.

_Oh my god … this feels like waiting for your public execution... _

Amelia sits down on one of the chairs next to the entrance of the meeting room; quite nervous. But it doesn't take long until Owen calls her in.

Owen: Dr. Shepherd, please sit down with us.

Amelia goes to the round table and takes the only free chair between Arizona and Dr. Bailey. Owen and Meredith are vis-a-vis to her; Dr. Torres and Dr. Avery to their left and right.

Owen: Amelia, I have told the board about the incident in the morning and we have come to the conclusion that something like this must not happen again. There are insecurities among the staff how to handle your situation and we now have to come to an unmistakable point. We will confirm your status as chief of neuro today with a vote of all board members. Derek isn't allowed to vote because of personal issues, so it doesn't matter that he is not here now. If the vote is for you, we will give you every support that we can and speak to our whole staff – so that something like this will never happen again. If the vote is against you, you are no longer chief of neuro and we have to think about keeping you at all.

_What the hell is he talking about? I thought he wanted to help me?_

Owen: So what can you tell us about yourself? What can you tell us about your past and present situation so that we don't have to worry about you doing your job right?

Amelia's thoughts are circling in her brain and for a short moment there was only one instinct: escape. _The will fire me. Of course they will fire me! Why should they give me a second chance? Why did I even agree to this meeting? Owen trapped me. I have to say something. Anything. Everything. It's my only chance. _Amelia begins to sweat and her look goes from one board member to the other, full of fear, until it reaches Meredith. She directly looks in Amelia's eyes and her look transports the peace and the confidence that she needs so badly.

Amelia: I … I … _damn it... _First of all I want to apologize for everything that happened so far. _It's always good to start with an apology, right?_ I didn't mean to cause any trouble to the hospital. I … went through some bad stuff in the past, but I am okay now … I … I had a pill problem indeed. First in my teens, but I recovered from that just in time so that I could go to college and Med School and the following years I concentrated on my studies and my surgical education. Everything went well but two years ago I relapsed due to many different personal reasons. First alcohol, later I got into Oxy again ... then shooting Oxy ... I … I lost someone … I … we … overdosed and he didn't survive it ... When I woke up from the high I found him dead, lying next to me ... After that I went into rehab and stayed clean ever since … I … loved him … I am struggling every day and some days I can barely stand the burden of guilt ... It's hard to beat the demons of the past, you know, but actually I am doing pretty well I think. But it isn't easy at all. I know that I am a risk for everyone of you... But surgery is my life. It's the reason why I keep on every day, why I manage to get up in the mornings. It's the reason why I can withstand all the allurements which are waiting for me in the medicine chests every day although they would make things easier sometimes... I know it's a choice to let me stay. But the thing is … I already like it here … I like … no - I love the job and I … kind of … like you guys. It's your decision keeping me or not … and I will respect whatever you decide ... I know I'm a risk...

Amelia didn't look at anyone during her speech, so she doesn't know how the members of the board would react. She closes her eyes and suddenly feels so exhausted that she lets her head fall into her bent arm on the table. _Why is it so quiet? Why does nobody say anything? _

Suddenly she feels a hand stroking down her shoulder and her back and hears someone speaking quietly and in a comforting way.

Arizona: It's okay … hey … you are trembling … calm down … everything is okay ... relax … everything will be alright …

Amelia takes a deep breath and risks an insecure look; first towards Arizona, then into the round. Nobody seems angry at the first place, so she indeed calms down a little. Arizona's hand is still lying on her shoulder, stroking it slightly. Amelia sees her own hands shaking while they are lying on the table.

Jackson: Thank you, Amelia, for your honesty. I can see that this wasn't easy for you at all and I really appreciate you speaking to us. Personally, I am truly sorry about what happened to you and I am very sorry for your loss. It testifies to an enormous mental strength to talk to us like that and so I think that you are pretty stable at the moment. I didn't work with you so far but for me you don't seem like someone who can't handle her job. I know that addicts can sometimes hide their addiction very well, but I have no evidence that you aren't doing your job well. Unless I see otherwise I have no reason to not let you stay.

It was like a ton of weight was falling from her chest. Amelia somehow catches Meredith's look, which has a big smile on it. She looks back at her and also risks a shy smile. Then Arizona turns towards her, taking her hand.

Arizona: Yes, you are a risk. But so is everyone else. Last year, after the plane crash, I wanted to quit my job because I couldn't deal with my missing leg. I even didn't want to get out of bed ever. But thank to the help of several people in this room _(she smiles towards Owen, Bailey and at last Callie) _I didn't. I am also still struggling sometimes, but I think this is normal. Everyone has his past. Some of us more, some of us less bad stuff. But isn't it the important thing to learn from the past? To arise stronger than before? I know it doesn't always feel like that but in the end it's all about that, I think... You are a very strong woman, Amelia. Everyone deserves a second chance, you too.

Arizona's smile towards her makes Amelia tearing up. With Arizona noticing this, she strokes her shoulder again but Amelia can't fight the tears. Bailey leans towards her, handing her some tissue.

Owen: So … does anybody want to say something else? No? Then we could start the vote, right?

Jackson: Yeah. Who wants to keep Dr. Shepherd as chief of neuro?

Meredith rises her hand first, followed by Owen and Arizona. Callie and Bailey do so, too and after Jackson as head of the board has looked into the round he also rises his hand and smiles.

Jackson: Welcome to the team a second time, Amelia!

The people are applauding her and this makes it even worse. She bursts into tears of relief and joy. Meredith is coming over to give her a big hug and holding her and everyone tries to comfort her.

Bailey: Hey girl, if you don't stop crying you make me run out of tissues! I have to perform surgery in 20 minutes, so I have go back to work. Anyone coming with me?

Callie and Jackson follow Bailey out of the room while Meredith and Arizona are still standing next to Amelia, comforting her. She is calming down when Owen reaches the three women.

Owen: May I talk to you in private, Amelia?

Meredith: Sure. Amelia, I'll see you later at home, okay? I have the evening off and take Zola and Bailey home from child care service early and if you don't have to work late, we could do something with the children … playing, cooking together, you know how Zola loves to help cooking.

Meredith gives her sister-in-law a big hug and says goodbye to Arizona and Owen. Arizona takes Amelia's hand and speaks directly to her.

Arizona: If you need someone to talk … or just not to talk and giving some distraction – I am quite good at both. And if you are in any trouble, you can always come to me, okay? I really like working with you and I am glad that you are staying, not only because of this one particular case we are working on, okay?

Amelia: Thanks, I really appreciate that.

Arizona leaves the room and Amelia tries to vanish the marks of her tears.

Amelia: Sorry … normally I don't tear up that easily … don't know what's wrong with me at the moment.

Owen: Never mind. So … was it really that horrible?

Amelia: No … and yes … It was quite hard to speak about it though, you know?

Owen: I know, but it was worth it, wasn't it?

Amelia: Yeah … somehow...

Owen: Who better than you might know that sometimes we have to face up to the things we are afraid of; learning that they aren't that scary indeed. How are you feeling now?

Amelia: Relieved … and kind of happy.

Owen: Do you trust me now a bit more?

Amelia: Yes, I actually might do. … Thank you.

Owen: Not for that.

Amelia: No, exactly for that. ... You were the only one actually doing something and not only talking to me and trying to calm me down like Meredith and Derek did. You were the only one besides my family to care about me anyway. And therefore I thank you. You are a very decent fellow, you know that?

Owen: So, am I?

Amelia: Yes, you are.

Owen: Why don't you take the evening off, too and be with Meredith and the kids? Let the residents cover your cases and stay in attendance in case they need you. You have earned a nice evening with your family.

Amelia: Is this you keeping me away from the patients although I was confirmed as chief of neuro some minutes ago?

Owen: No, not at all. I just want to do something good for you, seriously.

Amelia: Okay, then I'll accept the offer, hoping that you don't decide otherwise in a few minutes. … I want you to know that I won't forget what you did for me today. I really appreciate that. … So … then I will go find some residents to take care of my patients and head off home to Meredith and the children.


End file.
